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因為愛才吃醋過度吃醋其實是控制欲
2020-01-11 17:06  www.lianbaiwei.cn

美国查普曼大学心理学教授艾米·穆尔斯曾提到,两性关系中的吃醋是不安全感的体现。很多人容易将吃醋与爱情混为一谈,误以为因为爱才吃醋。其实,过分吃醋不仅会成为两人矛盾的导火索,还可能演变成控制欲,甚至暴力行为。

Amy Morse, a professor of psychology at Chapman University in the United States, has mentioned that jealousy in relationships is a sign of insecurity. Many people tend to confuse jealousy with love and mistake it for love. In fact, excessive jealousy will not only become the fuse of conflict between the two, but also may become a desire to control, or even violence.

吃醋是亲密关系中普遍存在的一种情绪,并非一种彻头彻尾的消极心态,能力不足感、不安全感、占有欲等都是产生吃醋、嫉妒心理的原因。其实,合理的吃醋可以成为驱动个体向前迈进的源动力,因此,分辨吃醋的程度并及时调整尤为重要。

Vinegar is a common emotion in intimate relationships, not a completely negative state of mind, lack of ability, insecurity, possessiveness and so on are the causes of jealousy and jealousy. In fact, reasonable jealous can be the driving force for individuals to move forward, so it is particularly important to distinguish the degree of jealous and adjust in time.

亲密关系中的吃醋、嫉妒有两种形式:一种是反应性的,另一种是怀疑性的。反应性的是指当感受到自己的亲密关系遭受外来威胁时,比如,看到爱人和陌生异性谈笑风生或当着自己的面赞美其他异性时,会产生不安心理;怀疑性的则缺乏理智,通常是对方没有实际行为,却对其产生无端猜测而引起的吃醋、嫉妒。比如,爱人加班晚回家,就猜测对方去约会了等。

There are two forms of jealousy in intimacy: one reactive and the other skeptical. Reactive refers to when feeling that your intimate relationship is under external threat, for example, when seeing a loved one and a stranger talking and laughing or praising the other opposite sex in their own face, it can produce uneasiness; the skepticism is lack of reason, usually because the other person has no actual behavior, but produces jealousy and jealousy caused by unprovoked speculation about it. For example, when a lover comes home late for work, he guesses that the other party has gone on a date.

吃醋是令人不快的,让人坐立不安,伴随着伤害、愤怒与恐惧。在极端的吃醋心理支配下,人往往会做出一些不利于亲密关系的举动,比如翻查手机、盘问事情来龙去脉、用各种方式限制对方的人身自由,甚至出现暴力行为。

Jealousy is unpleasant, irritating, and accompanied by hurt, anger, and fear. Under extreme jealousy, people tend to do things that aren't conducive to intimacy, such as checking cell phones, cross-checking things, restricting personal freedom in various ways, and even violence.

当发觉自己有极端的吃醋倾向时,一定要及时调整。一是要将关注点从对方转移到自己身上,提升自我,寻求自身内在的满足感,避免因能力不足感导致的不良心理。二要努力调整心态,破除自私和独占的想法,不把爱人当成自己的附属品看待。同时,要及时、直接地向对方表达自己的忧虑和恐惧,共同探讨并解决吃醋产生的问题。

When you find that you have an extreme tendency to eat vinegar, be sure to adjust in time. The first is to shift the focus from the other side to their own body, to improve themselves, to seek their own inner satisfaction, to avoid the lack of ability caused by the bad psychology. Second, try to adjust the mentality, break the idea of selfish and exclusive, do not regard the lover as their own accessory. At the same time, we should express our worries and fears to each other in a timely and direct manner, and jointly discuss and solve the problems arising from jealousy.

当我们察觉到对方有一些极端吃醋的言语和行为信号时,也要提高警惕,不要选择逃避或做出其他可能激发对方吃醋心理的行为。要及时与对方沟通,努力接受并理解对方的情绪,明白他的爆发点,同时审视自己是否确实有越界行为。如果对方经常以吃醋为借口试图控制你的行为,禁止你与异性交往等,就要冷静考虑这种关系是否能够给你带来安全感和幸福感。

When we notice that the other party has some extremely jealous speech and behavior signals, we should also be vigilant, do not choose to escape or do other behavior that may stimulate the other party jealous. Communicate with each other in a timely manner, try to accept and understand each other's emotions, understand the point of his outburst, and examine whether he has actually crossed the line. If the other person often uses vinegar as an excuse to try to control your behavior and prohibit you from interacting with the opposite sex, consider calmly whether the relationship can bring you a sense of security and happiness.